Two X Chromosomes, No Brain Cells

Hey, guys! Guess what I just found out? I just heard about this super fun science fact: Women’s thoughts and opinions aren’t centrally located within the physio-cognitive framework of the brain, as previously believed, but within the feminine confines of the vulva. Their exact location isn’t known yet, but my guess is that they’re situated somewhere near the urethra.

It’s a joke. Did you get it? Yet another out-of-touch political figure said that women should have voted for Hillary Clinton because they all have vaginas in common, so I made a joke about opinions coming from your vagina. Am I funny yet? Can I get a Netflix special? I thought talking about vaginas and whatever’s inside them was all a chick had to do to get a comedy deal?

Anyway, according to this statement made by former first lady Michelle Obama, women who voted for anyone other than Hillary Clinton in the 2016 presidential election “voted against their own voice.” To continue:
“What does it mean for us, as women, that we look at those two candidates… and many of us said, ‘That guy? He’s better for me. His voice is more true to me.’ Well, to me that just says, you don’t like your voice. You like the thing you’re told to like,” she added, referring to President Trump.
Wow. What happened to “When they go low, we go high,” Michelle? I guess aiming high is only for winners. Now that Clinton lost, we can call people who didn’t vote for her self-hating, moron sheeple. Why not? Wait, not “people.” Just women . . . Remember when Democrats were the party that didn’t like misogynistic rhetoric? I guess they like female Clinton voters just fine. But those women over there are just a bunch of dumb cunts who don’t know what’s best for ’em, amiright? Why didn’t those brainless bimbos do what you wanted them to do?
Yay, feminism . . . ?
Besides the actually really disgusting misogynistic undertones, there is so much wrong with this. Let’s go in reverse: They “like the things they were told to like?” Every news outlet to the left of Stormfront did nothing but smear piece after smear piece on Donald Trump. Half of the Republicans didn’t like the guy. Breitbart was the only conservative-leaning magazine that even pretended to like him while organizations like Fox News and The Wall Street Journal supported him with only the most tepid of commentary. Have you already forgotten the horribly skewed polling done to make it seem like way more people supported Clinton than Trump? Have you already forgotten that you, your husband, Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth Warren, most of the Democrats, a good number of the Republicans, and pretty much all of the relevant celebrities and news commentators were on the side of Hillary Clinton? Who was telling them to like Donald Trump? Are you siding with Clinton’s half-senile ramblings about how all those women only did what their boyfriends/husbands wanted them to do?
The “you don’t like your voice” part is just confusing. Is she saying that those women ignored “their voice” to vote for the candidate that they didn’t really like, but they just got peer pressured into it by the evil men? Or is she saying that “their voice” is one of self-hatred, therefore they voted for Trump, who is a hateful person? Either way, that’s really condescending. It depicts women as either weak-willed sheep or mentally unstable. Thanks. But, rest assured, no one was peer pressured into saying that they supported Hillary Clinton!
What does it mean for us, as women, that we look at those two candidates… and many of us said, ‘That guy? He’s better for me. His voice is more true to me.’
It says that women are individual human beings with their own opinions? Maybe that’s it. I don’t know why you suddenly treated women as the fucking Borg here. “What does it mean for us that we do this?”
I totally get not liking Trump as a female voter. That whole “Grab ’em by the pussy” debacle and weird comments about how hot his daughter is don’t make him look all that chivalrous. That being said, Clinton is married to one of the most famous womanizers in American history, to the point where it seemed like half her job as first lady was to keep his piggish behavior towards women out of the public limelight and has even been accused of paying off women who Bill sexually harassed. So to act like Hillary Clinton’s track record is any less besmirched than Donald Trump’s in the “respects women” department is laughable.
Ignoring that, you vote for politicians based off of policies and how well you feel they represent you. And it’s perfectly plausible that Trump’s actual policy platform and social presence were more appealing to many female voters than Clinton. I really don’t understand how Democrats keep overlooking that incredibly obvious point. Did someone curse them? Are they physically unable to notice or acknowledge that maybe–just maybe–some voters didn’t let a single audio bite of Trump being a jackass play a major role in who they voted for? Has it ever occurred to them that women care about more than just vague “women’s issues, and that maybe Trump’s policy promises about immigration crack-downs and non-intervention and better domestic infrastructure were talking points they liked? Apparently not.


I didn’t vote for Clinton in that election. Granted a didn’t vote for Trump either. I wonder how Michelle Obama feels about me then. Am I only kind of a traitor to my gender who let the menz talk me out of voting for the person who I know deep down in my heart truly represented me? What’s worse in her eyes: Not voting for Clinton, or voting for Trump? Or is she one of those people who think they’re the one in the same?

I’ll tell you why I didn’t vote for Clinton, though, since you seem so intent on repeating to me over and over that she is my voice, that she represents me.
Clinton is a war-monger. That’s been one of the only things she’s actually consistent about–how much she wants to keep on bombing the Middle East, particularly Iran, how much she wants to send more people more guns and set up more bases and provide support for more random leaders over there and, hey, by the way, I kind of wanna start a military conflict with Russia too. In hindsight, Trump’s “no intervention” promise was broken, but we’re talking about the election day, not hindsight. On election day, and right now, bombing Iran was something she really wanted to do. I’m a pacifist. Put two and two together.
Clinton gives no fucks about black people and yet sets herself up as the “pro-black” candidate strictly because she has a D next to her name, essentially getting that demographic’s votes then promptly fucking them over. She had very clear financial ties to for-profit prisons in addition to financial ties to the individuals and companies that backed those for-profit prisons. When someone pointed out to her that for-profit prisons are one of the main factors of the prison industrial complex that disproportionately victimizes non-violent black people, she responded by caring a lot until someone gave a very generous donation to the Clinton Foundation and and promptly stopped caring. When commenting on the drug war, she said black people were “super predators.” And the Clinton Foundation has a habit of “helping” black communities by supporting economically exploitative charter schools and supporting education policies that defund under-performing urban public schools, which I’m sure helps bring those test scores up.
There are lots of “smaller” things: how she gave every indication of wanting to pass the Trans-Pacific Trade Act, how she’s flipped-flopped on the drug war more than a dying fucking fish, and how she’s buddy-buddy with the people who threw our country into economic recession. There’s also the whole “the DNC intentionally screwed over Bernie Sanders because they wanted a corporate neo-liberal as the Democratic nominee” issue.
But please, Mrs. Obama, tell me how Clinton totally represents me and how I’m a fool for thinking otherwise.

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