America’s Next Top President: My Thoughts on the Election

Yeah, it’s gonna be one of those posts. But I am an American, and I should exercise my freedom to talk shit about my country’s politicians. It’s not a freedom everyone has after all. I probably won’t even be living in America for the next four years, so I don’t even have to worry that much. (By the way, I was already planning on moving before this whole debacle. I’m not one of those people who talks about leaving for another country every time a presidential candidate they don’t like gets in the news.)

* * *

Here is my opinion: Fuck this shit. I could leave it there, and it would be a perfectly accurate way of explaining things. I’m me, though, which means I need to ramble on for thousands of words to truly cut to the heart of the issue.

I’m a tree hugging liberal. While I do at least understand why people hold fiscally/socially conservative views and generally don’t dismiss them as being varying degrees of stupid and/or evil (as is an irritating habit of many liberals) I do not agree. I am open to the concept of changing my political views, but I highly doubt that I’d ever become conservative enough to call myself a conservative. At this point every single political label is crumbling under the weight of its adherents’ own hypocrisy, so I don’t think it matters that much what I call myself. When you have liberals speaking against free speech and conservatives wanting more government surveillance of citizens, the labels “liberal” and “conservative” are meaningless.

That’s what this entire circus seems like to me: meaningless. It’s already been made very clear that Clinton can do no wrong and Trump can do nothing but wrong. And if you’re tuning in from Breitbart, it’s just flipped the other way around. I can’t decide if I want to vote or not. I like Gary Johnson. I want to vote for him. Is he going to get any traction in this race? No. This isn’t a battle of ideas anymore. It’s a battle of two plastic faces from a deteriorating two-party system that allows for no other voices to be heard: The New Worst Thing Since Hitler vs. The First Female President. People don’t care about what either of these candidates do. People don’t care about what they say. We might as well be playing Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots with the presidency — “I want that color to win!” And I’m supposed to think that voting for Johnson is going to do any good?

I suppose if I was absolutely forced to pick between the only two candidates that matter, I’d pick Trump. Not because I like the guy or think he cares about American citizens or think he’s intelligent or competent in any way; but if Trump gets voted in that’s essentially guaranteed to rip the current system apart with the rift it has caused and will continue to cause in both the Republican and Democrat parties. A Trump presidency would force us to re-evaluate where we are, and hopefully allow for more political nuance in a conversation that had previously been polarized to the point of ridiculousness – a polarization that allowed for the rise of an idiot like Trump in the first place.

It also wouldn’t be the end of the fucking world like everyone seems to think. The American presidency isn’t a vacuum. Why do you think Obama was hardly able to get anything done? People who acted as part of America’s system of checks and balances opposed him at every turn. We impeached Bill Clinton for getting a blow job from a fat chick, and you think Donald Trump, the guy so bad that not even his own party likes him, is going to last five months in office before doing or saying something that will get him ousted immediately? The two main things he’s talked about doing, building a wall and banning Muslims from immigrating, are two things that the president cannot do even if he wanted to. And this is all assuming that someone doesn’t outright succeed in assassinating him. With all this “Trump is literally Hitler” nonsense, it’s only a matter of time before someone a little more competent with firearms tries to save the world from itself. Seeing as how the first Trump assassination attempt was treated like a joke, I’m fairly sure that Trump could get gunned down during his inaugural speech and he wouldn’t be cold in the body bag before the Washington Post released an article titled something along the lines of “Is Assassinating the President That Bad? Not Really.”

I’m not going to die on a hill defending the guy. I think he’s an incompetent, First Amendment hating jackass who put his name on the ballot to be a troll and is now just running with it. The people who are looking at him as the symbol of a political revolution just seem like they’re projecting their own ideas onto him, and that is a dangerous slope to go down when the candidate you’re projecting values and goals onto isn’t actually fighting for those vales and goals himself. Trump doesn’t care about a political revolution, guys. Be careful in how much hope you put in him.

I refuse to vote for Clinton, though. Even when her only real competition is a person like Donald Trump, I am not voting for her. This is a stance that has been demonized by the left. “Not voting for Clinton is just as bad as voting for Trump,” “It’s something that only privileged white people who don’t care about how selfish they are can do,””You hate minorities,” on and on until the end of time. No, fuck you. Stop ascribing your own ideas onto my actions and acting like you know so much better than I do. It takes a set of brass plated balls to accuse people who don’t vote for Clinton of not caring about the safety of minorities. This woman is the fucking queen of pretending to care about the poor and disenfranchised up until it’s not convenient anymore, after which she’ll throw them and their interests under the bus without looking back once. The Clinton Foundation screwed over black communities, and she hasn’t apologized or even acknowledged it. Yet I’m supposed to believe that she cares about black people now? She’s funded by people who keep up the prison-industrial complex that abuses the poor, but she totally cares about poor people, we swear! She cares about people like me the same way a rich guy’s fifth trophy wife cares about the kids he had in his first marriage. So excuse me if refusing to vote for the woman who has repeatedly shown herself to give no shits about people like me means that I’m apparently “privileged and selfish.”

Bernie Sanders would not have made a good  president, in my opinion. Him giving the stage to those two Black Lives Matter harpies who stormed his rally sealed his fate. He’d let a strong wind knock him over as long as it made a lazy appeal to morality first. I think a president needs to be made out of tougher stuff than that. But Sanders at least gave a fuck. Sanders cared about people, and you could argue all day about whether his ideas and methods were right or wrong, but he inarguably cared about his country and the people in it, and not just when it was convenient for him to do so. There was a calculated campaign to defame and villainize Sanders and his supporters by Clinton. They were sexists. They were bros. They were entitled. They were atheists. They were just stupid kids. On and on. And yet these same people who were shat on constantly by the Clinton campaign are now suppose to just come on over and join the family because Sanders turned his back on all of his ideas and endorsed Clinton, the person who he should be against the most as an anti-establishment candidate? Fuck you. I don’t even like Bernie supporters, but I’ll say that for them because that is not fair at all.

Clinton is a good politician. And that is not a complement. If this blog were in any way influential, she would have bought it and paid me to write good things about her by now. In a world where people on both sides of the spectrum are sick of money-backed, corporate career politicians, it is astounding that Clinton (who is the most unashamedly money-backed, corporate sponsored, career politician I have ever seen) is doing so well. Actually it’s not astounding seeing as how her opinions conveniently change with the tides of what is most popular at the time. As a note: I’m fine with politicians changing their minds on issues. They’re human beings. The problem is that Clinton doesn’t seem like someone who really looked at the issues and had a gradual shift in opinion based in self reflection. She seems like someone who has her own opinions, and maybe they line up with her talking points and maybe they don’t, it doesn’t matter, because the poll says something and she’s going to agree with the poll every time. I am sick of politicians like her. I am sick of having my country run by people who are just like her.

So, yeah. Fuck this shit. Like I already said.

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