Drag Queen Story Hour Exists: Pearl Clutching Commenced

I think we can all agree that the golden age of anti-SJW content is good and over with. That’s not to say that toxically shallow “progressive” outrage and talking points aren’t still a thing. They very much are. But, a lot like the atheism boom in the early days of YouTube, what can be said about the topic has been said 20 times over, and the prominent voices in the anti-SJW sphere have largely moved on and started producing a larger variety of content. More relevant to this post, though: the anti-SJW sphere, like all the other niche internet spaces before it, became over-saturated. What was once 10 people with quality content eventually turned into 1000 people with middling content. For the anti-SJW crowd, in particular, this over-saturation largely seemed to be caused by an influx of people–both internally and externally–who equated “the intellectual dark web” with conservatism.

Remember when Paul Joseph Watson said that conservatism was the new punk rock? We’re cool! We’re the new party of freedom and self-expression! Yeah . . . As it turns out, a large portion of the anti-SJW crowd disintegrated because it became reactionary and opposed to anything deemed to be “progressive” on principle. That is not counter culture.


According the the website:

Drag Queen Story Hour (DQSH) is just what it sounds like—drag queens reading stories to children in libraries, schools, and bookstores. DQSH captures the imagination and play of the gender fluidity of childhood and gives kids glamorous, positive, and unabashedly queer role models. In spaces like this, kids are able to see people who defy rigid gender restrictions and imagine a world where people can present as they wish, where dress up is real.

Now, this is very cringely phrased and laden with buzzwords, as can be expected at this point. But once you peel back the veneer of Buzzfeed pandering, this is just a bunch of drag queens reading books to help expose kids to a diverse range of people before they age into being assholes to anyone who’s different. If you look more into the typical DQSH, the institution they’re visiting picks the books they read. They also train the reader beforehand. As someone who’s helped with these kind of guest programs before, I imagine the rules boil down to: no topics or language above PG rating, no politics, no religion, keep physical contact to a minimum, here’s how to handle a fire drill. From what I’ve seen, some story hours use “progressive” books where a prince is saving another prince from the dragon’s keep or some shit, but most of them seem to go for the classics. Dr. Seuss. The Hungry Caterpillar. That kind of thing.

This is apparently the worst thing ever, and horrible indoctrination, and propaganda. Here’s some quotes I pulled from people who got offended. You know, like you do:

  • What is happening to a child s ,childhood,days of innocence,fun ,role playing,politics should be left out until more mature
  • Those kids are too young. You can just teach them not to hate people who are different than them ffs.
  • Disgusting. Can we just start bring gimps into schools now as well then?
  • Normalizing deviancy into our kids’ brains instead of bringing on actual role models that contribute to society and the advancement of the human race
  • Why are they trying to expose children to drag? Adults, fine, let them do as they wish within reason but come on, there’s no way this is going to end well for children.

No, those are not from an angry Christian parenting Facebook page. Those are pulled from various “anti-SJW” sources. Oh joy. I guess I did miss the olden days of taking the piss out of social traditionalists who always wanted you to “think of the children.” I just wish it wasn’t people who I am implicitly associated with, but the world’s not perfect, and I take what I can get. We’re the new counter culture, guys! That’s why we’re pearl clutchin’ harder than Phil Donahue “interviewing” Marylin Manson about how he is toxic and destroying the poor, impressionable minds of the youth, and how he’s an affront to American values.

Marylin Manson is “counter cultural,” by the way. When your behavior is more reminiscent of the old man bitching about “our values,” you do not get to say you’re counter-anything. For the record, I don’t think Drag Queen Story Hour is counter culture either. This is literally two groups who both think they’re “underground” fighting over who is the most nonconformist when, in reality, they’re both fairly mainstream. Being accepting of LGBT people is not rare (at least in the countries where DQSHs take place). Being squicked out by the concept of gender non-conformity is not rare. Neither of you are representing an underdog in this situation.

All of those above quotes pull the classic move of associating anything that isn’t the norm with deviancy. More specifically, they see anything having to do with gender non-conformity or LGBT representation as something inherently sexual and therefore “inappropriate” to expose children to. These are the same people who hear the word “gay” and can only think of butt stuff, or who hear that someone is trans and become fixated on genitals and how having sex with them would work. The idea that there are other things involved besides sex is apparently a difficult one to wrap the mind around. The idea that gender expression is a social act having to do with far more than who you’re fucking at any given moment just boggles the mind!

Using this logic, we should get rid of “[Insert Guest Here] Story Hours” in general, because all of them are, to some extent, based around exposing young kids to people they wouldn’t otherwise see or hear from. Which is propaganda, I guess. My elementary school had soldier story hours where current or former US military members read books. And this was the fucking early 2000s, right after 9/11, when military fervor and rhetoric about how “you need to support our troops, and if you don’t, you hate America!” were at an all time high. Now, if people were consistent, they would have nearly identical complaints about how you need to keep politics away from our kids and stop conditioning them to be accepting of X. Something tells me they’d be alright with that, though. Just call it a hunch. Please correct me if I’m wrong.

As for the DQSH’s goal of having kids see people who “defy rigid gender restrictions and imagine a world where people can present as they wish,” that is perfectly fine by me. Child development psychologists refer to pre-school/kindergarten age children as “gender investigators.” This is because children at that age are actively observing the men and women around them to figure out “what boys do” or “what girls do,” so that they can incorporate those “right” behaviors into their own behavior. They do this because children at that age are oftentimes very insecure in their gender identity: They literally think they will stop being a boy if they do something “that girls do” or vice versa.

Their “gender investigations” typically lead to really arbitrary conclusions like, “I saw my mom drink orange juice and my dad drink milk, so orange juice is for just for girls and milk is just for boys.” When I worked with kids that age, I saw it a lot. One kid was flabbergasted by seeing one of the female teachers use a hammer to fix a clock and asked if she was a man “because only boys like my dad fix things.” This arbitrary gendering of literally everything is something most people grow out of by elementary school age, but it is what forms the basis of our understanding of our own gender.

So, with all of that background given as to what we know about developmental psychology and gender roles, I am personally of the opinion that seeing a drag queen would be helpful to a kid that age. These are kids who are in the process of creating a gender role schema in their own minds, a schema regarding how not only they are “supposed to act,” but how everyone else is. Being exposed to someone with very atypical gender presentation who preaches self-expression even if it goes against the norm, seems like it would be genuinely helpful. It’d be helpful for kids who will grow up to not be stereotypically masculine or stereotypically feminine. And it’d be helpful for the kids around them who, fingers crossed, would find a better, more solid reason to mercilessly bully one of their classmates instead of the half-assed, “Sally wears baggy clothes, let’s bully her for being a dyke, haha!”

Do better.

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The Covington Ordeal and “Trump’s America”

So . . . Trump 2020, right? I am absolutely positive of that. I am mostly positive. I am 75-80% positive. That’s a solid C+/B- grade’s worth of surety on the matter. If Bush could get re-elected even after we had definitive proof that the war he catapulted us into was bullshit and he was illegally spying on American citizens; and Obama can get re-elected after deporting, drone striking, and spying on more people than his evil Republican predecessor, Trump can get a second term too. Better the devil you know, I guess.

Besides just generally being an embarrassing jackass, Trump hasn’t really done anything worse or more scandalous than what the previous two presidents have already done. Yes, he’s had plenty of scandals and plenty of shitty policies that, in a better world, would make him a one-term president. But if 21st century American politics has taught me anything, it’s that neither of those things matter as long as you manage to be more charming than the other guy once presidential debate season swings back around.

This is where I rant about the left wing.


What the FUCK is wrong with you people?! You’ve had so many chances, so many opportunities. The 2016 presidential election should have been gift wrapped for you. And after you dropped that ball entirely by placing the fate of the election in the hands of a shameless corporate shill who not even other Democrats liked, the proceeding years of Trump’s America *insert thunder clap* should have been easy to critique. It should have been easy to rise above the turmoil as the obviously saner and more competent group of people. Looking better than compulsive braggart Trump and corporate apologist, moralizing Republicans should have been the easiest thing you’ve ever had to do. I don’t get how you managed to fuck this up at all, let alone how you managed to fuck it up this bad. I just don’t. I don’t understand. I don’t get it. I am having a fucking aneurysm over how much your collective stupidity just doesn’t compute in my brain.

So Covington. You know what it is. I don’t need to go over. What I am going to go over is the fallout and how said fallout is indicative of a social climate that all but guarantees Donald Trump a place in the white house until 2024. Not just that, though: I don’t want to be overly hyperbolic, but I don’t think I’m jumping to conclusions when I say that the political polarization in the United States is not going to suddenly get better after God Emperor Donny Trump is out of office. I wouldn’t be surprised if we went the route of Japan, a country that has operated under a nearly uninterrupted 50+ year period of overtly right-wing governance after increasingly extremist, post-war left-wing activism ruined the reputation of the Japanese Socialist party and any party that considered itself liberal.

This is such a maddening time for me and anyone who considers themselves left-leaning because these past three years have done nothing but prove repeatedly, time and time again, that a prominent portion of the left wing has gone fucking nuts, and I am afraid we’re not going to recover from this tarnished image for quite some time. In the case of the Covington kids: They gave Trump’s empty buzzword further validity by spreading genuine “fake news” because that lie propagated their own sociopolitical insistence that white people (and Trump supporters, which they treat as synonymous) are evil racists. And when it was made immediately apparent that their commentary on the Covington kids was an outright lie (up to and including them utterly ignoring the actually confirmed evidence of the Black Isrealites spouting racism, because that brand of racism didn’t help the narrative) they quietly apologized in a way that no one noticed. In the meantime, the good, compassionate liberals reacted so reasonably to the bias-confirming fake news that the kids’ high school had to shut down under threats of violence. The kids in the video got doxed under the pretense of violence being done to their person now that we know who they are and where they live.

When people had to finally begrudgingly acknowledge that they fell victim to a fake news story, instead of genuinely admitting fault or doing literally anything reasonable, the good, compassionate liberals essentially just rose up and said in a united voice, “Yeah, well, they might not have actually done the thing we were calling for violence against them over. But look at them! They still deserve to be put under constant threat of violence because they just seem like racists, don’t they? And they’re probably also a bunch of budding rapists, too. I bet they are. Just look at them. I think maybe another kid who wasn’t a part of their group said a racist thing while they were standing in the general vicinity. So go ahead and punch them–they’re wearing MAGA hats! They did or will do something wrong.”

This is the rhetoric of a party that has lost the plot. It’s the rhetoric of a party that has lost all sense of honor or consistency. Even when our perceived opponents haven’t done anything wrong, they’ve done something wrong. Even when we’re wrong, we’re right. And since we’re always right, we can treat the people who are always wrong any way we want because we’re on “the right side of history.”

If something similar had happened, just the other way around–the MAGA hat crowd deciding to dox and call for violence against a minor who had differing political opinions–it’d be called a horrible symptom of bigotry and hatred and “Trump’s America.” I know that because something similar did happen: the conservative rhetoric surrounding the Parkland kids, and how ill-advisedly hateful and ad hominem the attacks against them were. The difference between the two situations, though, is that the Parkland school kids are at least willingly putting themselves in the public eye, while the Covington school kids just so happened to be the victims of a viral video campaign designed to defame them even if it wasn’t accurate. The same people making impassioned pleas about how “you shouldn’t be going after kids because you disagree with them” are the ones justifying fake news and calls to violence as long as the kids involved just look punchable.

In my opinion, this is the incident that lost the left our next presidential election. It’s the incident that proved to the rest of the country that the left doesn’t care about “fake news” if it’s fake news that supports their own hatred of the other. It’s the incident that proved that they are willing to justify horrible behavior against people who don’t deserve it–minors at that–as long as they’ve decided that the people represent something bad and should therefore be made an example of. It’s the incident that proved that they will find some reason to think you’re a deplorable and treat you accordingly even if they are proven to be wrong.

I hope you guys love ranting about the horrors of living in “Trump’s America,” because you’ve pretty much just guaranteed four more years of it thanks to your blind hatred of everyone you’ve deemed to be “part of the problem.”

Gillette’s Marketing Team is Drinking Golden Champagne Out of Diamond Flutes Right Now

This is going to be a very brief commentary on the “controversial” Gillette ad campaign called “We Believe: The Best a Man Can Be.”

It calls itself a “short film,” which is insulting. Paying Idris Elba 500k to show up in 30 frames of your razor commercial does not make it a film. That’s not to say commercials can’t be incredibly well done art pieces. They can. But The Best a Man Can Be is art the same way YouTube Rewind is art. Read: It’s not. It is very well-produced, shallow, pandery bullshit though! So it has that going for it.

A while ago, I wrote a post called Rebel Culture Prostitution and Pro-Capitalism Anti-Capitalists, and this new razor commercial is essentially part of that very same trend. I honestly do not understand why anyone is reacting to this, positively or negatively. Can people honestly not tell when something exists for shallow pandering and that the giant faceless company doesn’t actually care about social politics one way or the other as long as they continue selling their totally unrelated product? The Gillette marketing team deserves a collective raise and a golden plaque, because they managed to wring months of free, mainstream advertising out of media and the public when, one month ago, you probably couldn’t name a single razor company off the top of your head. By virtue of writing this post, I am giving them free marketing.

To progressives: One year ago, you fucking hated companies like Gillette because of them charging more for products marketed to women. Their razor prices have not changed since then, by the way. Also, Gillette is a company that works exclusively within the realm of profiting off of strictly gendered insecurities. Hey, women, buy our pink razors to shave your legs and this extra attachment for the armpits and bikini line–you don’t want to be a hairy beast, do you? Hey, men, buy our specialty grooming razors that constantly need to be refilled because women love a man who looks sharp! And I’m supposed to buy that anyone at Gillette gives two fucks about subverting gender norms?

To everyone being butthurt over the video: Gillette cares about toxic masculinity and #MeToo about as much as 1970’s Coco-Cola cared about racial harmony or 1980’s Apple cared about not being an evil technocracy (that’s hilarious in retrospect). Read: It doesn’t, and they didn’t. This is a calculated marketing move designed to associate the Gillette brand with certain ideas and feelings. They had a guy who’s sole purpose in the board meeting was to crunch the numbers and make sure that you being butthurt wasn’t going to effect their bottom line. You throwing away razors that you already bought does nothing. You refusing to buy Gillette razors ever again was leveled out by stupid liberals who now buy Gillette on principle. You making videos about how butthurt you are is giving them more money and more attention and more name recognition, which is what they wanted. Congrats.


As for the contents of the actual video–I actually don’t see anything as all that offensive. Yeah, its self-aggrandizing, overly serious tone is really cringey, but so is every car commercial that uses the exact same formula of “insert: imagery and voice over about something ‘important’ totally unrelated to what we’re peddling.” The thing it reminds me of the most is that one awful Justin Timberlake music video from his horrible last album. Humorless, superficially “woke,” and totally un-self aware.

Some of the stuff just doesn’t make much sense. The bullying segment, for instance, puts a huge spotlight on youth social media bullying, which we now know is something perpetrated by and victimizing mainly tween/teen girls, not boys. I’m fine with pointing out that bullying is wrong, but acting like that specific kind of bullying is a sign of toxic masculinity is kinda losing the plot. It also features “sexist” sit-com antics that haven’t been common tropes in mainstream media since the 1980s, so I’m not sure why that was focused on so much like it’s in any way relevant or up-to-date social commentary.

There’s a quick shot of general spring break-style debauchery, which I would actually agree perpetuates “toxically masculine” behavior. Lonely Island made this social commentary far more effectively and far more entertainingly six years ago, though. A bit late to the party on that one, Gillette. There’s a pretty hilarious shot of a woman thousand-yard staring at the camera like she’s seen war because some guy in a business meeting interrupted her. That is a dick move, and people who monopolize meetings need to learn basic teamwork skills; but that was such a ridiculously overacted and on-the-nose depiction of that issue. Also, the narration itself is very car-commercial-intense in a cringey way, and I actually think the commercial would be much better served if it didn’t have the voice over explaining how we should feel.

Those are really my only issues with it. I actually like the Terry Crews speech they referenced since it’s one of the few instances of anyone acknowledging that men can be sexually harrassed and/or victimized. The context of that speech is him talking about how fathers have a special responsibility to teach their sons not to be creeps since boys model their behavior after the men in their lives in particular. That’s a fine statement to make, and scientifically backed at that.

By the end of the commercial, the “lesson” boils down to” “Don’t approach random women and tell them to do things in a skeevy tone, and if one of your friends does that, tell him he’s being a dick. Teach boys that they shouldn’t automatically resort to violence to get their way. Don’t treat your kids like shit.”

I don’t see much wrong with any of that. My main issue with this commercial is the pretense of Gillette shamelessly marketing itself towards a counterculture it clearly doesn’t have any actual stake in, and people inexplicably falling for it hook-line-and-sinker. The content itself isn’t overly objectionable, though. It’s not like that one horrendous Super Bowl ad whose “moral” was “physically assaulting men and destroying their property is cool because feminism! Now buy our $2000 high heels.” This one is at least more even-keeled.

I’m forced to assume that the people getting up-in-arms about it are reacting to literally the first five seconds where the term “toxic masculinity” is mentioned. I understand that–I too have very, very many problems with how fourth-wave feminists use the term to pathologize maleness as a concept. That being said, though, the majority of specific cases this commercial shows actually would qualify under the genuine definition of “toxic masculinity:” not helping young boys effectively deal with their temper/conflicts because being unnecessarily violent is “just what boys do,” aggressively approaching women who obviously do not want to be approached because brashness is equated with confidence.

I understand the contention caused by mentioning #MeToo. Like I have said multiple times, referencing it is shallow, unanalytical pandering at best. But you can tell that it’s shallow and unanalytical pandering because literally nothing else in the video has anything to do with #MeToo besides some random clip of The Young Turks stating that #MeToo exists and the Terry Crews clip, which is him talking about how he was sexually assaulted. In short: Calm the fuck down. As far as shitty commercials trying to cash in on the hashtag activist crowd goes, this is probably the lease objectionable one. It’s also not some progressive Godsend that shows a company being “woke” either. Pull your heads out of your asses for two seconds, people.

 

 

 

Sargon’s Advice for Incels: A Response

Sargon of Akkad recently posted a video entitled Advice for Incels, wherein he tried to have a genuine sit-down with those of the incel (involuntary celibate) community. I am glad it exists since it is one of the few attempts I’ve seen to speak to incels in an understanding and caring fashion, without deriding or mocking them.

ContraPoints’ fantastic video on the subject is the only other one I can think of. She’s also the only woman I’ve seen give any substantive commentary on the subject that wasn’t just mocking and shaming incels for their existence. I get that. Incels come across as hateful and misogynistic. Not the ever-expanding fourth-wave feminist definition of “misogynistic,” but genuine, old-school hatred. The reaction of “Well, fuck you too, you fucking loser,” is pretty understandable.

That being said, it does kind of bother me that so few women have offered their non-sarcastic perspective on the topic. If you look up dating advice for incels, it’s almost exclusively dudes talking to other dudes about “what women want” like we’re some kind of elusive alien species that they can only guess at using anthropological studies and evolutionary psychology. I can’t help but wonder why these guys don’t just fucking ask their wives or girlfriends or female friends/family members what they find attractive. The incels certainly aren’t going to consult a real-life woman, so why don’t you?

So I’m going to give my two-cents on the topic by building upon what Sargon says in his advice video. Here we go!


 [I’m going to give some] worldly advice from an older man to younger men to talk to them about their fear of not getting laid. There is a lot that older men could teach younger men on the subject. There is a great deal of wisdom that should be passed down.

Alright, boys, let me tell you about women!

I agree with Sargon here that there are a lot of men in the world who really need positive male guidance in their lives that they just haven’t been getting. I actually think that’s one of the reasons Jordan B. Peterson is so popular despite his works being highly questionable: He provides an authoritative source on “how to be a man” that these guys aren’t getting elsewhere.

It sucks if you’re not good looking. I know this because I’m not good looking. There is a definitive and probably scientifically demonstrable advantage to being good looking.

It is true that there is a scientifically demonstrable advantage to being good looking. It’s called the Halo Effect–people project competency and other desirable qualities onto you far more readily if you are attractive. The Halo Effect is almost entirely something seen in first impressions/with strangers, however. If you know nothing else about the person besides how they look, their looks are going to be heavily weighted, but the Halo Effect is minimized once more information is known.

You also have to take into account that beauty is largely subjective. Sargon’s own comment about not finding himself to be good looking is the perfect example of this. He thinks that he is unattractive, but half of the comments on his video are people–men and women–telling him that he’s hot.

However, all is not lost, because women are honestly not very visual creatures. Women respond to behavior primarily, beyond anything else. You can see this because their favorite books are rape fantasies. Hey, I don’t buy these books, it’s women who buy these books.

This is actually accurate, scientifically speaking. Men are aroused by visuals far more than women. That’s why pictures/video pornography is consumed mostly by men and written porn/literotica is consumed almost entirely by women. Something like 50 Shades of Grey, which I agree is essentially a rape fantasy, is popular because women tend to enjoy the overall experience of romance and interplays of power more than just looking at nudie pics. Summary: Lots of women like foreplay more than appearance.

What they’re attracted to is masculinity itself, in my opinion. They’re attracted to the physical act and the motions. The fact that they are being acted upon is in many ways the more attractive thing to a woman. I’m pretty certain that this is more women than not who’d prefer a man to be manly, physical, and active than to be a soyboy frankly–a weak, passive male feminist. And I think that this is primarily the reason why male feminists have real trouble getting girlfriends, unless they’re pretty boys.

I take slight issue with this, and it’s essentially the one major issue I have with Sargon’s video as a whole. The problem I have is that it presupposes that there is one particular way to be masculine and it’s that one particular expression of masculinity that women are attracted to. And I just don’t think that is the case. I don’t think it’s ever been the case. “Masculinity” can mean different things and can be expressed in different ways. An old timey lumberjack and a football bro are both masculine, but not in the same ways.

Even being passive is not inherently at odds with the concept of masculinity. A very popular character archetype in literotica is a guy who is in some kind of submissive position, who has the power to act but the dedication and discipline to be led by someone else. It’s the discipline that is considered masculine and attractive. That’s just one example, but I think that establishes my point.

The issue I see with many male feminists is two-tiered. Firstly, there is a very justified stereotype surrounding the male feminist that he’s a creep who is compensating for being a creep by waving the feminist flag. Secondly, in my experience, it seems like male feminists have an issue with expressing any kind of masculinity. They don’t just dislike Sargon’s version of masculinity, they dislike any expression of maleness and are rendered perpetually insecure and anxiety-ridden about being “too manly” at any given point, cringely backpedaling whenever they cross whatever that constantly shifting line of “too manly” is. And, as Sargon says, being utterly lacking in confidence and self-assurance is a quick way to turn anyone off.

A lot of the things that make you attractive to a woman is your career, in many respects. The fact that you do an important or dangerous job is often a turn on for a woman even if you’re not very good looking.

I slightly disagree with this point. There are many, many women who are attracted to men who do “important, dangerous” jobs, as Sargon said. He brings up police officers and firemen as the example of the kind of women-attracting job incels should take up. I’m not saying this isn’t accurate, but it’s not the complete picture. There were many comments on his video of men stating that they don’t want to make themselves miserable in a dangerous or important job that they hate just because it’s the kind of job that attracts women. And I agree with that. You don’t have to put yourself in potentially life-threatening career fields or climb up the soul-crushing corporate ladder just to get a girl.

You don’t need a dangerous or important career to be attractive. You need a career. Being dedicated to something and passionate about what you do is attractive. Enthusiasm is infectious. You don’t have to run into burning buildings. You can work in fucking tech support, but if you’re really, genuinely interested in tech, there will be some girl somewhere who finds that charming. Why do you think artists get so much attention? Nine times out of ten, it’s not because they’re especially good looking or especially financially secure. No, it’s because people are attracted to people who invest their time and energy into something they care a lot about.

Also, Sargon is British and looking at things from the perspective. I am American, however, and from that perspective, I take some serious issue with telling incels–guys with some clear and deep-seated issues with power dynamics in their social interactions–to get one of the few jobs that puts them in authority over people they would otherwise feel lesser than. That is just asking for yet another news story about some cop overreaching his authority and violently abusing some random guy for giving him too much lip, or a cop getting some pretty woman to give him sexual favors in order to get a ticket dropped.

You might have to lower your standards. You’re not going to be going for the sevens and eights, but you can still find women who will be attracted to you on the basis of what you are, not who you are.

I am a woman. I know, have known, and will continue to know lots of other women. Pro-tip for all you guys out there: Nothing makes a woman think you’re a creep more than referring to them by the number-level of their hotness. I’m not a feminist, but if anything could be considered objectification, giving women a 1-10 rating to determine if they’re high enough up on the chart to be fuckable would be it.

This is also a problem I’ve seen from many an incel. They will lament how hurtful and unfair it is that Stacys only go after the hyper-attractive Chads, but then go on and refer to women who they deem to be unattractive as ugly slags. They’ve trapped themselves in a self-defeating loop. When the man is obsessed with looks–like incels–they’re going to only be attracted to women who are mutually obsessed with looks, which means they’re only attracted to the one group of women who would never date them because they’re not attractive enough. No wonder they’re having such a hard go at things.

Women will always take on men as a project, right? For example, my wife is desperately trying to make me less of a messy bastard. That is her goal. Women are forgiving of faults as long as the direction is correct. And you have to be heading in that direction.

I’d generally agree with this, especially his point about heading in the right direction. From what I’ve seen and experienced myself, that is true. Like anything, it can go wrong–a woman can overstep boundaries and try to actively control her boyfriend or husband more than he is comfortable with (if he’s into that, sure). At it’s best, though, this is how many women establish themselves as the support system for their man–she’ll stay by him despite his faults and help him grow as a person, and in doing so she also grows as a person and their relationship becomes stronger and more intimate. That’s the ideal. Just being kinda annoyed that your girlfriend wants you to clean your room more is the happy medium.


I think that’s a fine place to stop. He goes on about how stewing in pathological self-hatred is bad, shocker. So what do women want in a man? I don’t know. The most definitive, generalized statement I can think of is that women like men who are secure in whatever their particular expression of masculinity is, and they like men who know what they want and are on an honest path to getting there. You could probably talk to an evolutionary psychologist who will go on about how the female animal wants the strongest mate or some shit. Maybe that’s it.

But here you go, here is my totally qualified advice:


You have to know where you are going and what your goals are, and you have to find someone who’s goals dovetail with your own so that you can both pursue your own purposes without getting in each other’s way. If you want a careerwoman, do not pursue women who want to be homemakers. If you don’t want a gold digger do not chase after women who’s priming skill is digging for gold. Ideally, you’d be able to actively help each other reach your respective goals, but–at the very least–you need to not hinder each other. That’s not to say concessions will never be made, but they will be sacrifices that you’re prepared for and willing to deal with.

And as for the incelian misconception that you’re too ugly to get a girlfriend: the answer is no. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. When women interact with you, they see baggage and a guy with a very high chance of becoming a stalker. It’s the same thing that makes men avoid desperate women because they don’t want to wake up one morning to a rabbit boiling in their kitchen. It’s not your looks, it’s your attitude. And thankfully, attitudes are way less expensive to change.

I did not think my current long-term boyfriend was attractive when I first met him. I thought he looked like a dork. I still enjoyed our first date, though, because I thought he was funny, and he had interesting job. He was interesting, and he was interested in me, with an end goal that wasn’t just getting laid to prove his worth as a man. He had mental and emotional hangups. So do I. We talked about it. We talked about everything we could think of because we liked talking to each other. And now we live together. And he still looks like a dork, and I don’t care because he’s an amazing human.

So I guess my advice to incels is pretty straightforward:

1.) You probably look fine. Not everybody gets to be hot, but guess what, that puts you in the same boat as most of the planet, and most of the planet still manages to get laid. You might have body-dysmorphia. Maybe consider seeing a therapist about that.

2.) Being resentful and hateful towards women as a gender is not a good look. Women aren’t inclined to like people who view them as universally despicable subhumans, believe it or not.

3.) Cultivate your own interests and your own goals in life (outside of desperately wanting to get laid and earn a hot woman’s affection), and there is a very high chance that you will find a woman who likes you because your individual interests and life goals intersect.

4.) This.

2018 Midterms Reaction and Rundown

Hey, guys! This will be a quick post touching on the 2018 midterm elections and some spit-balled political predictions for the near and far futures. (I’m using mainly these two articles as basic references.)

Just getting it out of the way: I thought this year’s “Go Vote” PSAs were particularly annoying and condescending. Obama’s “Voting is just like going to Cochella and posting pictures on your Snapgrams, isn’t that right millenials?” PSA is cringier than “Pokemon Go! to the polls,” I swear to god.

Long story short–the Blue Wave (TM) was less Ocean and more Child-Safe Nashville Shores Wave Pool. I think both partisan sides are being a bit over-hyped in regards to this particular talking point. The Democrats ooing and awing over how the Blue Wave (TM) totally happened are technically right. There was an impressive wave of formerly red Congress seats being switched out for blue; twenty-three seats gained is no small feat. The right-wingers heeing and hawing over how the Blue Wave (TM) was pathetic are also technically correct. Twenty-three new blue seats only put Democrats in a narrow majority in the House, and the Senate is still red, even if by an even smaller margin.

I’m mostly ambivalent about these results. I am a liberal and I would prefer a bluer system of governance, for the most part. I’m not weeping in my room with the lights off over the prospect of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez being in the Congress (even if she is probably the worst example of democratic socialism). That being said, the House is the branch of government stereotypically associated with bowing to the transient, popular whims of the public, with representatives who are often inexperienced and suck at navigating the political sphere. And that is definitely the case for many of the new Democrats that got elected. I’m not definitively saying that they’re going to be awful, but I am saying that getting voted into Congress because you rode the wave of a niche political market isn’t a great way to have staying power.

You can talk all you want about how great it is that we got the first Muslim woman in Congress, but if she isn’t at least passingly good at that job, she’s going to be voted out immediately come the next election cycle when the reds who didn’t like her before still don’t like her and the blues, disappointed in her incompetency, will no longer see her as a novelty. That’s why I’m not overly worried about this particular Congress set-up. Yes, it is full of more stereotypical progressive leftists than usual; but the best-case scenario is that, if they do something truly harmful, they’re “radical” enough to be easily ousted from the position come the next election by someone more moderate, and if they actually prove to be competent–yay, we get more competent left-leaners in the government, which is what I would like.

It generally seems like everything is just going to be gridlocked by this current distribution. My prediction is that the new Democrats in Congress are going to push a blindly anti-Trump agenda to the detriment of their own party–Hilary Clinton-style–that will make political polarization among the public worse, but that the split within the House and between the House and Senate will damn near guarantee that almost nothing of substance actually gets accomplished. So pretty much more of the same thing–everyone continuing the grand tradition of Republicans having bad ideas and the Democrats having no ideas, and Donald Trump probably getting re-elected because it doesn’t take a genius to see that the Blue side hasn’t learned a single goddamn lesson about self-delusion and bad PR.

For some bonus liberal hypocrisy: my home state of Tennessee just elected its first congresswoman, but she’s a right-winger, so she, of course, doesn’t count toward all of the historic Firsts that liberals are raving about. It’s almost like ideological alignment is more important than physical demographics when it comes to political representation or something.

The only thing I think the Democrats will actually get accomplished is reformed voting laws, because they’re under the impression that that particular type of reform will help them win more. Because of course. If you think any politician prioritizes anything above winning, you’re a moron. I imagine they’ll tackle the voting laws head-on, which is a mixed bag. They genuinely are in need of some serious reforming. Getting an unaffiliated third-party to draw district lines to avoid gerrymandering is a good idea (and  something we inexplicably weren’t already doing). Automatically registering someone to vote upon them getting a state ID or driver’s licence is a good idea. Just psychologically speaking, having the option to opt-out of something you’re otherwise signed up for automatically is a more effective system than needing people to actively opt-in. Fixing that dumbass law that makes it nearly impossible to register to vote if you’re a citizen but only have a PO box is a good idea. I also get the sinking feeling that they’re going to streamline the process for non-citizens to also be able to vote, though, and that is not okay by me.


I’m actually much more interested in the new state laws that were up on the ballot.

Michigan legalized weed for medical and recreational use, which is great. And Missouri of all places legalized medical marijuana, which is a good start and very pleasantly unexpected. Maybe people are finally pulling their heads out of their asses in regards to how the opioid crisis is only made worse by weed being criminalized. A girl can dream. South Dakota voted for it to remain illegal, but the whole ten people who live there can drive up to Canada for their legal fix. It’s a loss but not a crushing one.

Arkansas and Missouri are put on track to raise the minimum wage to something that isn’t utter unadjusted-for-inflation-since-the-90s shit. That’s good.

We’re getting some spicy, spicy criminal justice reform as well. Louisiana now requires a unanimous jury to make convictions. If you are sitting here wondering to yourself, “I thought that’s what everyone did,” I guess not, so congratulations to Louisiana for finally passing a law everybody just assumed that an American state in the 21st century already had. Florida is also allowing ex-convicts to vote now, which is fucking great and probably my favorite point of progress in this entire cycle. Yes, it beats out legal weed as my favorite. Call me crazy, but I don’t like living in a country that operates under the airtight logic of: A.) If you ever go to prison, you won’t be able to vote anymore, and B.) we send so many people to prison that we beat out dystopian hellholes like China when it comes to our incarceration rate. The federal government deciding smoking the jazz tobacco is a jailable offense is no reason to have your voting rights taken away after you serve your time.

What else? Massachusetts upheld that stupid fucking bill that was made as a shallow “Gotcha!” against conservatives in the red-hot fury of everyone being enraged over bathroom usage. I still don’t care. I’m not even against it existing, I just don’t care.

A bunch of places in Middle America expanded Medicaid, which I approve of.

Alabama and West Virginia continue to not like the concept of abortion, shock of all shocks. I really wonder how that bill is going to affect abortion as a necessary medical procedure–you know, the things that public hospitals are required to do, but I highly doubt any conversation about abortion will ever get beyond “YOU KILL BABIES” vs “YOU HATE WOMEN,” so whatever, it’s not like my concern is going to be acknowledged anytime soon.

Also, last but not least, San Fran will now impose a tax on large corporations to pay for the city’s efforts to contend with its staggering rates of homelessness. A.) I wholly approve of San Francisco taking its head out of its ass for long enough to realize it sucks and do something about it. B.) I support this measure. You know who doesn’t though? Giant tech oligarchs like Jack from Twitter and the guys from multi-million dollar software firms. Because their “liberal values” of course only extend so far as social media virtue signaling marketing gimmicks and general pretension. I am surprised by this.*

*Sarcasm

The Mid-Terms gold star goes to the state of Missouri for suddenly, out of nowhere, deciding to be less shit.

 

51 Ways to Make the World Less Hostile to Fat People: Another Response

Uuuuuuuuuuuuugh. This exists. Let’s do this.
It is an article written by Dani Beckett, a name that gives me PTSD flashbacks to her first listicle about [Insert Ridiculously Large Number Here] Things X Group Needs to do for Y Group to Make Y Group Feel Better. As you may recall, I didn’t make it through Dani’s last list on account of it being intolerably, mind-numbingly obnoxious and repetitive. This is a request. The things I do for you.

Hey, feeling like you want to be a decent person? Awesome! Let’s talk about fatphobia.

*Weeps uncontrollably*
This list is going to break me a second time, isn’t it?

Yes, I’m talking to you, my non-fat friends. I’m inviting you to educate yourself about the experiences of fat people as we move through the world, and to challenge you to be our ally in creating a utopia of fat acceptance.

I’m not usually a fan of identitarians. But I would be more than welcoming to any gay, black woman in a wheelchair who wants to roll on up and tell Dani Beckett off for co-opting and appropriating the rhetoric used by actual marginalized groups to talk about how hard it is to be fat. Can somebody do this, please?

Sure, maybe you don’t directly ridicule fat people and you really like Melissa McCarthy. That must be enough, right? Wrong. Fatphobia is fundamentally built into our societal structures and sits on a foundation of racism and colonization that’s the perfect base for privileging thinness.

*WEEPS UNCONTROLLABLY*

Fatphobia is racist, guys. FATPHOBIA IS RACIST.

Fatphobia is built into our day-to-day lives—the clothes we wear; the healthcare we receive; the TV shows we watch—and it’s going to take all of us unlearning our preconceptions, behaviors, and language to make space for all bodies in our world. Here’s 51 easy ways to start.

Don’t unlearn your preconceptions and find fat women attractive, though. That’s a fetish. And that’s racist. Or fatphobic. Whatever.

1. Learn to cope with the word “fat.” We fatties refer to ourselves in lots of different ways. Some people prefer “plus-size,” “bigger,” “curvy,” or “person of size,” but plenty of us describe ourselves as “fat”—and it’s not self-deprecating.

So . . . someone else describing you as “fat” is a-okay, then? I could have sworn the last list you made had a point about it being unacceptable for people to comment on women’s bodies at all, but I guess commenting on bodies is fine as long as it’s your own?

2. If someone refers to themselves as “fat,” don’t fall over yourself trying to correct them. Instead, ask yourself why you’ve attached a negative value to the word.

There Dani goes again, ignoring social context entirely in order to make grand, sweeping claims about how people should behave. I’m pretty sure most people can read social cues well enough to know if someone is fishing for praise/condolence or if they don’t require the fanfare. I know plenty of people who refer to themselves as “fat” because they want someone to say, “Oh, no you’re not honey.” You can pretend they don’t exist all you want, but they do, and it’s generally easy to tell who they are.

3. Consider that we might actually like our bodies. Yes, really. Imagine that.

Sure. Though I have a hard time believing that anyone who writes a 50+ point list about how the world needs to change to make their life better and give them higher self-esteem is also someone brimming with self-confidence. It kind of gives me the opposite impression, to be honest.

4. Understand that diets don’t work and are the evil child of capitalism and body-shaming culture. Over 95 percent of people who lose weight through dieting put the weight back on within five years. If diets worked, the diet industry would be financially unsustainable.

They do, though? Yeah, the diet plans you see advertised on late-night television don’t tend to work because, as Dani points out, a successful TV-diet is a quickly failing business. It’s an exploitative racket that relies on the failure of its consumer base. But the general concept of regulating the amount of food you eat and the kinds of food you eat to avoid any excess sugar usually works unless you have a metabolism or glandular issue. If you stop drinking soda and only eat desert once a week, you’ll probably lose a few pounds. That’s not a named diet, but it’s technically diet. Are you seriously saying that keeping track of the food you eat has nothing to do with weight loss/gain?

5. Learn about the damage that yo-yo dieting does to the body. Here’s the CliffsNotes version: It does much more damage than happily staying the size you are.

I agree. That’s not an argument against dieting. That’s an argument against shitty dieting, just like the last point was an argument against shitty dieting.

6. STOP TALKING ABOUT YOUR DIET. If you want to lose weight, fine, you do you. But understand how damaging it is for us to constantly hear how unwanted and unacceptable fat bodies are.

Low self-esteem? What?! I don’t have low self-esteem! I love myself how I am right now! That’s why I don’t even want to listen to other people trying to get their body into a size they’re happy with, because the size they would be happy with is smaller than me!

Seriously though, for a “movement” all about self-love, the fat acceptance crowd sure does fucking hate it whenever someone feels they would personally be more comfortable if they lost some weight.

7. More specifically, stop talking about your diet at meal times. It can take years to detach the feeling of shame from food, and hearing people talk about “syns,” “cheating,” and “naughty” food while we’re literally trying to eat can be massively triggering.

Once again. Not a fan of identitarians. But if a feminist rape survivor wants to stroll on in and tell Dani off for co-opting language used to talk about traumatic experiences to refer to how hard it is to be fat, I’d welcome that right about now. Also–no self-esteem issues here, folks! That’s why I can’t even listen to someone talk about dieting during a meal without feeling bad!

Note: I recognize the possibility that someone might actually have abuse-related trauma attached to their weight. People with eating disorders, or people who were horribly bullied or abused for their appearance, etc. But Dani Beckett isn’t talking about those cases, she’s just superimposing trauma onto fat people as a whole, as though fat people as a whole can be universally “triggered,” which is not the case.

8. Refrain from giving a fat person unsolicited advice about weight loss. Even if it totally worked for you, even if you think you’re being helpful, even if that person is related to you. STOP THIS.

Sure. Unsolicited advice is generally annoying, no matter what it is about. Though there is a ceiling. Like, if someone is obviously being self-destructive, unsolicited advice is going to be the only advice they get, and that advice is necessary. If Bob is 400 pounds because he eats nothing but McDonald’s fries and Coke floats, give all the unsolicited advice about weight loss you want.

9. Don’t call yourself fat if you’re widely considered to be slim or ‘average’-sized by most people. “I feel so fat today” is not equal to living in a fat body every day.

Once again, again–I’m not an identitarian, but if someone struggling with bi-polar personality disorder wants to show up and tell Dani off for co-opting language used by mental health advocates to talk about how hard it is to be fat, go right on ahead!

I though we were supposed to be comfortable with the word “fat,” Dani?

10. If you want to compliment a fat person on what they’re wearing, avoid saying it’s “flattering.” “Flattering” means, “Your clothes are hiding the bit of your body that society doesn’t like.” Just tell them they look great!

You realize “flattering” can also mean, “Your clothes are showing off the bits of your body that look good,” right? Someone could actually just be complimenting you. Fat people can have attractive features just like anyone else, and those features can be emphasized in a manner that could be described as “flattering.” What’s with this weird glass-half-empty view of compliments? [Insert the 100th joke about how Dani Beckett has poorly concealed low self-esteem here.]

11. Watch out for pity in your response to fat people. We don’t need your pity. We need your acceptance and your action to help other thin people get there, too.

We don’t need pity. That’s why I wrote a 51 point long list about all the things that make our lives hard, in a way that invokes . . . pity. Yeah, this was a poorly thought out argument.

12. Stop fetishizing fat bodies. Don’t expect fat folk to be grateful because you deem them fuckable. We’re people.

If you find [insert demographic feature] unattractive, you are _____phobic/___ist, and brainwashed by the discriminatory standards of beauty beat into you by society. If you find [insert same demographic feature here] attractive, that is a fetish and a sign of you contributing to a ______phobic/_____ist society.

Repeat this point on every SJW list about literally any topic until you perish. It is the one constant of the universe.

13. Don’t desexualize us, either. Fat people are plenty hot and are having great sex, thank you very much. All shapes and sizes of people have sex—there’s nothing you can do about that, and it’s weird and telling if you’re put out by it.

You know what’s also weird and telling, Dani? You being really defensive about the fact that you have sex. That above statement sounded like a closeted gay guy unconvincingly bragging about all the girls he’s totally banged.

Other people’s thought crimes about whether or not you have a sex life shouldn’t bother you. Their opinion about your sex life should be just as irrelevant as your opinion of theirs. This is not Dani Beckett asking for acceptance and for people to stop judging her. She just wants them to stop judging her negatively. Positive judgement about how she must be totally having great sex all the time is perfectly fine, apparently.

14. Understand that fat women get harassed and assaulted, too. Even if fat bodies don’t do it for you, remember that sexual assault is about power, not attraction. The fear of being ridiculed or disbelieved for speaking out about assault is often heightened for fat women.

Yeah, I’m gonna need a better citation than an unreferenced article from a failing Jezebel-style feminist rag if you’re going to make sweeping factual claims about rape statistics. I’m not saying this isn’t true. But you’re not doing a great job at getting that truth across, if that’s the case.

15. Remember that eating disorders affect fat people, too.

Isn’t that the stereotype? Whatever.

I highly doubt Dani Beckett’s screed against the concept of dieting and aversion towards the very notion of someone wanting to lose weight for any reason makes her the best person to go to if you have an eating disorder. See a therapist, kids, don’t go to Vice.

16. Understand that “fat” and “unhealthy” are not the same thing.

Sure. “Skinny” and “healthy” aren’t the same thing either. Can you stop condescendingly talking down to me like I’m a bad person who needs to be taught about the Good Book now?

17. Stop commenting on others’ weight under the guise of “concern” about their medical health. Are you my doctor? No? Your opinion isn’t necessary here.

Why does Dani Beckett hate context? Seriously. If someone is having health problems that have been very clearly linked to being overweight, commenting on that isn’t operating under the guise of concern. It’s actual concern, Dani. People can actually be nice and well-intentioned some of the time, you know? If you’re having knee problems and you’re 300 pounds, your friend being concerned that your weight is adversely affecting your knees isn’t trolling you to make you feel bad.

Remember one point ago when you said that “unhealthy” isn’t the same thing as “fat”? Well, they’re also capable of overlapping. Shock of all shocks. Totally excluding the influence of weight as it intersects with overall physical health is goddamn stupid. And these “Fat Acceptance” people know it.

18. Never ever, ever, ever pressure your partner to lose weight. Believing in bodily autonomy for your partner extends to supporting them in the choices they make about their body, shape, and size.

Since when did “bodily autonomy” mean never commenting on someone’s physical appearance ever? Telling your boyfriend that he might want to hit the gym isn’t the same thing as spiking his morning coffee with laxatives. This is, once again, contextual, and Dani Beckett is totally discounting the idea that a couple can sit down and have a genuine, welcomed conversation about whether one or both of them should lose weight. That doesn’t happen, I guess. It’s just all abusive patriarchal husbands telling their wives and gay partners to lose weight because they look like a fat cow.

19. If you care that much about what other people eat, donate your time and money to organizations that campaign for affordable, nutritional food in poor communities.

I thought eating nutritional food had nothing to do with weight and didn’t work?

This point is fine. One of the cyclical issues of poverty is lack of access to healthy food stuffs and then over reliance on expensive, debt-inducing reactive medical intervention for health problems that a shitty diet contributed greatly to. We’re one for nineteen, folks!

20. Critically examine the information you’re given about fatness. Investigate who is sharing the material and question what they might have to gain from it.

Can I critically examine the information I’m given about “body acceptance” too?

21. Erase the words “obesity epidemic” from your vocabulary. Demonization of fat bodies is a classic scapegoating tool employed by governments. When they talk about the “obesity epidemic,” they’re using coded language to get you to blame systematic societal problems (poverty, crime, climate change) on poor communities and communities of color. You’re smarter than that.

Well, that sentence made me barf in my mouth a little bit. It’s referred to as an obesity epidemic because we’re seeing a huge influx in obesity-related health issues and early, preventable deaths, Dani. Referring to it that way is how we’re trying to fix that whole “systemic poverty and lack of healthy resources” thing you brought up two fucking points ago. This is like saying the “AIDS epidemic” was called that because we hated the gays and not because people were dying disproportionately.

22. Learn about how the medical community treats fat bodies. As one example of very many, fat people are routinely denied kidney transplants unless they lose weight, even though they experience the same level of success with a donor kidneys as thin people do. We are consistently disbelieved and misdiagnosed because doctors cannot see past our fatness. We are often denied health insurance.

Well, I think universal health care should be a thing, so the general idea of someone being denied insurance is one I disagree with fundamentally. That being said, in our current system, people are denied insurance if they are a liability. People who smoke are denied insurance too, based on the assumption that they’re ultimately going to cost more to cover than they put in–you don’t see smokers making a group comparing their trials and tribulations to the fucking Civil Rights movement, though. If you want to talk about how fucked up the medical system is and how often it denies people care for bottom-line profits, go right on ahead. But this continued insistence that doctors have no reason to attach any poor health assumptions onto any fat person ever is getting you NOWHERE.

Worse, this continued insistence that eating healthy and exercising are exploitative myths created by racist, sexists colonialists is one of the things making universal health care in the United States an impossible fucking dream. Universal health care only works if you have a citizenry that does what it can to be proactive and negate the need for medical intervention. A country full of people with high blood pressure, poor circulation, and cholesterol-coated hearts going around insisting that “losing weight  is a scam and anyone telling them to go jogging occasionally and eat healthier is discriminating against them” is not a country where universal health care works. Fuck you, Dani Beckett, for being a part of the problem is the point I’m making here.

23. While you’re at it, read up on how BMI has been widely debunked as an inaccurate and misleading measure for health.

God, I hate this argument. Because it’s technically right, and nothing stokes the unnecessary victim complex of an SJW more than technically being right. The Body Mass Index is a very flawed measurement of health because it attempts to apply a hyper-generalized universality to something that’s affected by multiple factors. All the BMI takes into account is height and weight, and it doesn’t distinguish between different kinds of weight or different body types.

If you’re someone who has packed on a lot of muscle, the BMI would list you as “overweight.” If you’re someone with an ectomorph body type (ie, naturally very tall and thin), the BMI would list you as being “underweight” even if you have a healthy weight distribution for your body type. The BMI is also pretty bad at letting anyone know what health problems a person who is “overweight” actually has because that depends, once again, on how body fat is actually distributed. A woman with a pear-shaped frame and wide hips isn’t going to have very many health problems if her extra fat is mainly in the thigh-area because her body type can handle that. Someone with an A-frame body type carrying a lot of extra weight in the stomach, though, is going to have issues. This may be giving Dani a little too much credit, though, seeing as how most people, regardless of base body type, carry excess fat in their lower abdomen, i.e., the worst place for it in terms of health risks.

So, sure, the BMI isn’t that great of a measurement. The moral of that story isn’t, “See, being fat is totally okay and anyone who says it causes health problems is a liar!” The moral of the story is that “too much body fat” and what the averse affects of that will be varies due to a myriad of factors that the BMI doesn’t address.

24. If you are a doctor, stop prescribing weight loss as a remedy. Got depression? Try losing some weight. Heartburn? Go on a diet. Broken toe? Maybe cut down on the takeout. Come on—this is ridiculous. Do your job better.

It’s not the doctor’s job to prevent you from being unhealthy, Dani.

A.) Exercise actually does help depression for many people. Physical activity leads to a release of neurochemicals that would otherwise be blocked off. Exercising releases dopamine, for instance. And if you’re a depressed person not getting enough dopamine from your normal interactions, using that alternate channel of physical activity can be a way of “tricking” your brain into releasing dopamine by using a different stimuli/trigger that isn’t affected by depression. Fuck you for utterly dismissing an actually helpful technique for contended with depression because it makes you insecure.

B.) Heartburn is literally caused by eating certain foods/having a low tolerance for certain foods. A doctor telling you to not eat those certain foods if you don’t want heartburn isn’t “fat shaming” you.
C.) Bones break when too much pressure is put on them. Bones become brittle and break more easily if pressure is put on them consistently. Having excess body fat puts consistent pressure on the bones. This may not apply to your toe breaking example specifically, but dismissing this outright is fucking idiotic. Again.

25. Learn to criticize people without referencing their weight. There are enough things to criticize Trump for without bringing his body into it. Making jokes about his weight doesn’t hurt him—it hurts the nice, everyday fat person just trying to get on with their life.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT. A stereotypical internet liberal just said we shouldn’t criticize Donald Trump about something.

What a racist. I bet she hates immigrants.

26. Make sure your allyship extends to all fat people, not just small fat folks, not just white fat folks, and not just able-bodied fat folks.

I’m really done with this list. Why do fat people need an Oppression Olympics too?

*WEEPS UNCONTROLLABLY*

27. Know that skinny-shaming is not a thing. Ridiculing someone for being “too” slim is unacceptable, but it comes from a very different place than fatphobia. Thinness is seen as desirable by society and people, particularly women, are attacked only when their size begins to shine a light on the toxic fetishization of thinness. Fat people, however, are shamed for any deviation from the “acceptable” size and, more often than not, held in contempt for being that size. Concern trolling exists in the lives of thin people too, but discrimination against fat people is systematic and pervasive and damaging to entire communities.

Good to know that fat people have their own version of “black people can’t be racist.” Go tell the plus-size model that dropped a few sizes and who was subsequently attacked for it by “fat acceptance” activists that skinny shaming doesn’t exists. Is “Real Women Have Curves” not skinny shaming? Double standards get you nowhere. Either bodyshaming is universally wrong, or it’s not. You can’t talk about it like it’s a systematic issue then deny the impact is has on everyone who isn’t you.

28. Understand the link between capitalism and fatphobia. For instance, the companies that profit from the hard marketing of indulgent food at Christmas are often the same ones selling diet products in the New Year.

Companies exist to make money?! WHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAA. Hey, Dani, Dove markets itself as being all about body positivity even though the same company that owns Dove sells makeup. I hope you weren’t one of the people fawning all over that Body Acceptance campaign.

29. Sometimes, you’re going to sit next to a fat person on a plane. You’ll cope. I can guarantee that person is far more physically uncomfortable than you are.

I thought people above a certain weight had to buy two seats to avoid the whole “suffocating the person sitting next to you” problem. Also, way to be a total asshole about someone being uncomfortable. It’s not my fault that having some stranger’s love handles roll onto my lap is unappealing. I have social anxiety. I don’t like being touched by skinny people. Way to be ableist in your assumptions that everyone can cope with that, Dani.

30. Find out about the physical pain endured by not only fat people on planes, but on rollercoasters, in theater seats, on massage tables, and other size-specific areas. Then, contact your airline to ask them why they scrimp on their seat sizes. Leave positive TripAdvisor reviews for restaurants with sturdy chairs. Encourage your office manager to purchase accessible seats for your workplace (no arm rests, please). We need you to be doing this labor, too.

HOLD UP. Rollercoasters?! You realize those seats are the size they are because people would fall out of them and die if they weren’t, right? That is literally the least logical thing to insist should be made for fat people. Also, all of those trials and tribulations are also faced by unusually tall people, and unusually short people. Guys also would like a little more seating space to make room for their physical attributes, but you called that man-spreading, by the way. So clearly you don’t care about providing people with the space they need for all parties. There’s a reason the ADA laughed “fat acceptance” people out of the fucking building. “Fat” is not a disability. It is not something that people should be legally required to accommodate for.

31. Also, make sure your guest towels are the biggest size they have in the shop. Don’t make me scoot around your house in a towel that leaves me half naked.

It is not my fucking job to cater to you. It is my house. You are providing an example where you go to someone else’s house and tell them what to do, and you’re painting yourself as the non-annoying person in that situation. How demanding are you? I don’t go to your house and judge your linens.

33. Learn about the pay gap and employment bias faced by fat people. Yes, this is a very real thing.

If this lady proposes affirmative action for fat people, I am going to quit. There’s not even going to be an outro. I’ll just be done.

34. Stop assuming that fat people are lazy. Catch yourself when that bias creeps into your mind.

People can assume whatever they want. This list is nothing but Dani Beckett making assumptions about other people and what they think and do. It’s only fair that you allow them that same capacity.

35. Put your money into art that showcases fat people as romantic leads. Hamilton in London, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, and the upcoming remake of Little Shop of Horrors have managed it, and many more should take their lead—and be supported by audiences when they do.

Are we getting into yet another round of “Dani Beckett looks down her nose at me and tells me what art I am and am not allowed to like”?

Fuuuuuuun.

Kill me.

36. Call out your favorite authors when they only write about fat characters as a shortcut to make you dislike them. (I’m looking at you, J.K. Rowling.)

But . . . there are fat characters in Harry Potter who you’re supposed to like as well. What, Dudley and all the fat jokes surrounding him exist, so I’m just supposed to forget that characters like Neville, Slughorn, Professor Sprout, and Hagrid are described as overweight and are likable? What about the fact that J. K. Rowling also uses thinness as an indication that you’re not supposed to like someone (Aunt Petunia, Snape, Malfoy, fucking Voldemort)? I’ve focused on this point way too long.

37. Call out your favorite comedian when they resort to fatphobic jokes.

No.

38. And actors wearing fat suits for comedy effect? Absolutely nope.

Well, I guess I agree that this is shitty comedy. Way to go.

39. Read critical thinking about fatness by fat writers: Cat PauséKivan BayRoxane GaySofie Hagen. These people, and loads more, do great work pulling apart the common misconceptions about fatness. They’re not just doing that work for fat folks. Thin people need to read it, too.

There is nothing I would want to do less than sit down and take time out of my life to read a pop sociology book about fatness. I would rather do math homework.

Note: You are not a welcoming and accepting movement when you require your members and allies to have done high-brow, esoteric academic readings before associating with you. This point is the epitome of the snooty, college-educated liberal elitist stereotype.

40. Fund critical analysis through Patreon, crowdfunding sites, and direct donations to research institutes. There’s hardly any cash in fat research…I wonder why.

They’re asking for money. What a surprise.

41. Never forget that fatphobia has its roots in racism and white supremacy. In the early 1800s, colonialist “scientists” used fatness as one of the markers for social hierarchies, with fatness as one of the “uncivilized” characteristics attributed to the Black and indigenous people placed at the bottom of this scale.

Well, Dani Beckett is at least proudly continuing the grand tradition of privileged, white armchair anthropologists being problematic as fuck.

42. If you have children, be cognizant of how you talk about food around them. Many women, in particular, cite comments from their mothers as instigating factors in their shame around food. Teach your kids that their, and others’, bodies aren’t something to apologize for.

Don’t be an insecure housewife who’s constant onslaught of passive aggression turns my daughter into an anorexic. Got it. “Stop projecting your own ideas and insecurities onto your children” is good advice, but I highly doubt that an ideologue like Dani consistently applies this rule. Her daughter’s gonna be a feminist, doncha know?

43. Understand that there are different kinds of fat bodies. Not all fat people have hourglass figures or carry their weight in societally acceptable places.

And those different kinds of fat bodies are prime pickin’ for the Fat Oppression Olympics. Don’t be skinny-fat, ladies! The importance of your opinion in this movement is directly related to the size of your waistline! Size larges get to the back of the fucking line. XXX-large is where it’s at!

44. Listen to the stories of fat people. We will experience problems in our daily lives that you won’t know anything about. Some of this may sound alien or unlikely to you, but believe these stories and let them inform how you treat people.

Nothing says “take me seriously” like co-opting language used when we talk about rape.

45. And telling us, “Well you could just lose weight” is not ok. Heard of victim blaming? Yeah, this is it.

Nothing says “take me seriously” like co-opting language used when we talk about rape: Part II, Electric Bugaloo.

46. Call out your friends, family members, and co-workers when they fat-shame people in front of you. Remember that your silence gives them permission to keep doing this.

Fat-shaming isn’t okay for the same reason that bullying and generally being an asshole are not okay. I’d be inclined to agree with this point if it weren’t for the fact that it has been made very clear that any mention of weight or weight loss whatsoever, regardless of context, is considered “fat shaming,” apparently.

47. Don’t expect every fat person to respond the same way to harassment. Fat positivity is complex. It involves years of undoing internalized shame and, often, the misogyny, racism, classism, and ableism that’s linked to that, too. Some days, your fat friend will be angry and ready to take on the world, other days, she’ll feel shit and sad about it.

I like how it’s “fat positivity” now. “Body positivity” included those skinny bitches, and we can’t have that. Dani Beckett is the last person you want to go to for how not to be classist or ableist, by the way. This list, combined with her previous entry in the Vice listicle genre, are more than enough proof to me that she is incredibly socioeconomically elitist and incredibly insensitive towards disabilities, particularly of the mental/emotional health variety. Also the fact that she’s so ready–right out of the gate–to co-opt language used by rape victims and people struggling with systemic racism gives me the impression that she’s not much of a source of wisdom when it comes to misogyny or racism either.

48. Don’t leave it to fat folk to call out fat-shaming—the emotional labor of defending yourself is exhausting. We need you to also send the message that it’s unacceptable.

It is not other people’s job to make you feel good. If you expect the world to shoulder the burden of your insecurities for you, you are going to be sorely disappointed.

49. Report fatphobia on online platforms. More of us need to do this if we want Facebook and Twitter to take it seriously.

Yes. Do encourage more incompetent community policing from the already stunningly incompetent social media platforms. There’s no way that can go wrong!

50. Okay, sometimes you’re going to accidentally assume that someone is pregnant. You probably shouldn’t go around pointing out (or, fucking hell, touching) every pregnant belly you see, but, once in a while, you might mistakenly offer your seat to someone who isn’t pregnant, and is just carrying weight on their stomach. There’s no perfect way to respond to this, but please remember that, in this situation, your feelings do not matter. Take your lead from the person you’ve affected, and don’t make it their job to make you feel better on top of their having to process it to begin with.

This happened to one of my friends once. She thought it was funny. Are we allowed to think these kinds of situations are funny, Dani, or must we all have the same cynical, the-world-is-out-to-get-me, perpetually indignant reaction that you seem to have?

51. And lastly, never forget that if you’re not advocating for fat women and non-binary people, then your feminism isn’t intersectional. Because—and say it with me now: Fat-shaming and diet culture are tools of the patriarchy!

*WEEPS UNCONTROLLABLY* 

Rebel Culture Prostitution and Pro-Capitalism Anti-Capitalists

Colin  Kaepernick.

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Yes, Colin  Kaepernick, the underinformed footballer with a martyr complex who’s special brand of stupid has managed to ensnare the hearts and minds of the most shallow “activists” on both sides of the political horseshoe. I’ve already talked about him. I don’t want to again. I’m really just using him as the most recent (and most perfect, cut-and-dry example) of a social media and marketing trend that has been picking up steam as of late.

It’s something I like to refer to as Rebel Culture Prostitution. It’s not a new thing, which I’ll get into, but it’s become a very culturally salient thing as the United State’s progresses and becomes evermore politically stratified by ever more arbitrary acts of symbolism. Colin  Kaepernick kneeling was a useless symbolic gesture, just like standing up for it with your hand over your heart is also a useless symbolic gesture. And when people got mad that Kaepernick did his own useless symbolic gesture instead of the useless symbolic gesture they liked, they turned him into a symbol of everything they were angry at, which led to the NFL booting him out in an act of symbolic retribution, which liberals then treated as a symbol of everything they were angry at. It was just a war of everyone desperately flailing around in a mad dash to see who could be the most righteous whilst simultaneously getting the least done.

And that is fertile, fertile ground for Rebel Culture Prostitution, my friends. Rebel Culture Prostitution utterly depends upon people giving more care and attention to symbolic gestures about symbolically generalized problems than they do towards real-world action against specific problems. If people cared about real, specific problems, there would have been at least a single goddamn conversation about NFL contracts and how they financially and socially exploit people, and how they’re unethical and arguably unconstitutional in the levels of control they insist on having over their players’ lives through threat of financial ruination. There would have been at least a single conversation about how the contract  Kaepernick signed when he was young and stupid made it perfectly legal for the NFL to impose limits on his freedom of expression that would be lawsuit-worthy if another, smaller company included it in its contracts.

But no. That’s a real problem, and it’s a specific problem that something could actually be done about. So that conversation was never had even a single time. No, instead it was all about how vaguely mean the NFL was or about how Kaepernick should “just play ball like he’s told.” Nothing was done about the actual problem, as per use, just like nothing was done about the police violence problem that Kaepernick is supposedly a martyr for. You could have fooled me. The only cause he seems to be a martyr for is himself and his own popularity.

The symbolism of the event, though–the symbolism was grand. And marketers took notice.


I’m going to steer the conversation away from  Kaepernick for a moment and talk about two fictional examples of Rebel Culture Prostitution in order to give you more of an idea of what I’m talking about. Fifteen Million Merits is a Black Mirror episode about a futuristic dystopian society fueled by shallow, dehumanizing capitalism that destroys anything of actual worth and turns it into cheap clickbait and merch peddling. At the end of the episode–spoilers–the main character goes on TV and gives an impassioned rant about how fucked and evil society is, opening everybody’s eyes to how apathetic they’ve been . . . and the next time we see him, he’s sitting on a pile of money, doing watered-down versions of his famous rant for TV-viewing audiences who love to buy his merch, absolutely nothing about his society having changed at all. Sorry to Bother You is a great, surreal indie film about telemarketing and unions (less spoilers). At one point, the main character, who continues to work for his obviously evil company even after his friends/lower level employees all go on strike, gets pegged in the head with a soda can by one of the angry strikers. That girl is next seen rich and famous a totally transformed, now a music star and spokesperson for the brand of soda she threw (owned by the same company she was protesting).

They were Rebel Culture Prostitutes who took money from the people they supposedly hated in order to sell cheap, water-downed, inoffensive rebellion to the masses who shallowly idolized them as a mainstream-media approved countercultural icon.

There are plenty of real world examples of corporations and governments and The Man(TM) prostituting countercultural icons and aesthetics to make more money off of people who like the idea of rebellion. The entirety of the 1990s was nothing but a bunch of old fogies trying to figure out how to appeal to all the disenfranchised, anti-establishment irony-loving Gen-X kids. Coke made OK Cola. Burger King had a bunch of racially diverse spokeskids with backwards hats who loved to skateboard even when there was a ‘No Skateboarding’ sign in the background. Fuck Da Police got co-opted as a joke. Kurt Kobain’s record company used his death as an excuse to sell more records.

In the 2010s, we have Starbucks virtue signalling to hell and back every other month for the purpose of selling more over-expensive coffee to woke hipsters. We have Dove, a company that profits on fueling women’s insecurities about their appearance, making advertisements about how woke they are about body positivity. We have Chic-Fil-A. We have Keurigs. We have Neflix and Disney. And now we have Nike–a company so woke that it lets little brown girls in Bangladesh run steam presses for pennies a week.

Colin gladly took their probably million-dollar endorsement. Yeah, he cares about poor, oppressed brown people and everything, but not enough to turn down a PR gig with one of the largest drivers of overseas child labor. He cares about poor oppressed brown people, but not enough to turn down a PR gig with a company that overtly encourages and exploits fiscal irresponsibility in the same communities he supposedly wants to uplift. He believed in something, even if it meant sacrificing everything, guys. Trust us. Buy our child labor shoes, and don’t be distracted by the fact that the guy who “sacrificed everything” is a millionaire with legions of fans who, unlike the majority of his football colleagues, actually has a prospective career outside of sports.

And the people who fucking hated Nike for how exploitative and immoral its business practices are two seconds ago fucking love it now. They’re changing their Facebook profile pics to the Nike swish. They’re buying new running shoes. To send a symbolic message, of course. The people who should respect Nike’s business decision to operate how it wants and associate with who it chooses are burning things they already bought in a mind-blowingly stupid act of symbolic protest. Colin just can’t help being the center of attention. He’s just such a rebel, you know?

Wasn’t this about people being abused by the police? . . . Whatever, how much is that totes adorbz Colin Kaepernick bobblehead? I’m gonna put it right next to the Che Guevara poster I got on sale at Wal-Mart.